What is love? A great question that humans have been asking for years, centuries. And what exactly is it? It is a feeling that arises between living beings (people and animals) that appears after a close and habitual relationship. But we still do not know exactly why we feel love, what biological mechanisms trigger this feeling and how it would be defined in a concrete and global way. In this article we are going to try to answer the question of what is love and to know the differences between love and falling in love, for this, we will go to scientists who have investigated this concept.
What is love according to science
Throughout history, many scientists have tried to answer the question of what love is. But we want to talk about one in particular, Robert Sternberg, because he is one of the most recognized scientists in this field. In his published work “Triangular theory of love”Analyzes different elements that happen when we are faced with this type of relationship.
According to Sternberg, love depends on three key elements, which are the following:
• Privacy. Creating an intimate and close relationship generates a greater loving feeling. A great connection and trust is created between the two members and this makes the couple have more reinforced feelings.
• Passion. In the world of the couple, the element of passion is also key to a stronger and fuller love relationship. Passion relates, not only to sex, but also to energy, drive, and physical attraction.
• Commitment. It is the third leg of the equation. To talk about what love is in today’s society we live in, we also talk about commitment. The will to want to be together, to want to grow together and to accompany each other, both in good and bad.
Sternberg argues that relationships that are made up of these three elements are relationships that have a more intense experience of love. However, it is possible that in a couple it is the combination of two elements or only one. This will define the type of relationship we are facing.
The different types of love
As we have commented, depending on the combination of the above factors, there are different types of love. Sternberg describes them this way:
• Affection. A love relationship can be composed solely of intimacy, but there is no passion or commitment. Friendships are usually in this line of love.
• Whim. It is when in a relationship there is passion but neither intimacy nor commitment. They tend to be more superfluous relationships that arise between strangers or people who know each other very little.
• Empty love. This type of love occurs when there is commitment only between the two members, but there is neither intimacy nor passion.
• Romantic love. It would be the combination of passion + intimacy, but it does not have to include commitment.
• Sociable love. It is a type of relationship that usually appears when the passion or desire between both parties is lost. Therefore, there is intimacy, there is commitment, but there is no passion.
• Fatuous love. In this type of love there is a relationship of attraction and commitment, but there is usually no intimacy. They are people who have almost nothing in common, but who want to be together.
• Consummate love. It is the last of the love types indicated by Sternberg. It is about the combination of the three elements and, therefore, it is the most intense and satisfying.
This is a fairly accepted definition of what love is. However, there are many other theories and explanations that, some of them, refer to chemical elements such as pheromones.
But what there is something that seems to be agreed by everyone is that the toxic love is NOT love. A type of dependent love that minimizes the individuality and desires of one of its members (or both) is not a healthy love relationship and, therefore, should be redirected because it can generate serious psychological problems. In these cases, you have to know how to overcome a heartbreak.
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