Why is the stock fizzling of Coca-Cola? Christopher F Davis

3/3.281 3/3.281 Death Bed: Bed That Eats Cult Epics Maybe there’s no better example of a film title that shows you all you need to know. This horror movie from 1977 is exactly what it sounds like: a demon-possessed bed in it kills anyone who dares to use it. Yet the end product is even more insane than it seems. It’s not like this is just a wild bed of monsters. Director George Barry gives a whole complex backstory to the death bed involving a demon who fell in love with a woman but shed tears of blood when she died that brought a bed to life. The bed is alive only once every 10 years that is when the demon is. However, the bed does not only eat; it also has the power of telekinesis. That’s not all; a man who is stuck in a painting is in the same room as the bed. Sure of course why not? Next: This is Titanic sequel no one has ever asked for. 2.

Titanic II

3/3.282 A lot of classic films merit sequels but Titanic is not one of them. This also hasn’t prevented The Asylum from making a straight-to-DVD movie released in 2010. Okay, the movie really isn’t a sequel to the James Cameron movie as you might expect. Alternatively, 100 years after the sinking of the Titanic, it takes place in 2012 when the SS Titanic II starts a voyage. It follows the exact same route but in reverse as the original Titanic. This time a tsunami actually causes an iceberg to fly in and fall right into the ship. It’s as bad as you would imagine, though most of the humor comes from the fact that a film called Titanic II exists. Like many of The Asylum’s films — like Nazis at Earth Center and Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies — laughing at the premise of the film is a much more entertaining experience than sitting down and watching. Next: A film about a tire that goes around killing people with telekinesis

3/3.283 3/3.283 Rubber Magnet Releasing We saw horror films about killer trees killing sheep and even killing human waste. So why not a familiar film about an evil killer? That is Rubber’s plot: a tire goes around killing people. How’s that you may ask? Well that obviously has telekinetic powers. You might imagine this to be a bad B-movie on the SyFy channel that would air out. But in truth Rubber takes himself fairly seriously and the whole thing is similar to a pretentious art film than to a horror film in a schlock. Case in point: it starts with a character delivering a monolog directly to the camera about things that happen for no reason in movies. Earlier characters watch the tire with binoculars from far away and are supposed to reflect the audience. Next: Probably the craziest thing Denise Richards ever made

4. Tammy and the T-Rex

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3/3.285 3/3.285 Theodore Rex | New Line Cinema Well in the 1990s there were a lot of terrible dinosaur films. In this film Whoopi Goldberg stars in a world where dinosaurs and humans live together. Goldberg is playing a detective who is partnered with a T-Rex to apprehend a dinosaur murderer. And yes this is a comedy of a buddy-cop who stars Goldberg and a dinosaur. The sentence describes a real film, and is not the result of a game of Mad Libs. The only bizarre thing is the story behind it, more than the actual movie. According to Slashfilm Goldberg verbally agreed to get star in the film and so got underway because of what she said pre-production. Though Goldberg later tried to withdraw. But the writers were already in full swing with the movie having been told that Goldberg would be in it so they sued her in order to pressure her to continue as they decided in this terrible dinosaur comedy. The legal dispute was reported in the newspapers, and the drama eventually came to an end when producers discovered a Goldberg tape that agreed to appear in the film. The lawsuit had been settled and Goldberg ended up in this film she just didn’t want to be in. Next: A film about the dolphins used to kill the US president

6. The Dolphin’s Day

3/3.286 “Unwittingly he taught a dolphin to kill the president of the United States.” That’s the tagline for the 1973 George C. Scott movie The Dolphin’s Day and it’s probably the biggest tagline in cinema history. In the film a scientist teaches dolphins in order to communicate with humans. But then secret organisation’s leaders abduct the dolphins as part of a plot to use them to assassinate the president. The film did not receive particularly good reviews at the time although it ended up winning two nominations for Academy Awards: Best Original Score and Best Sound. In his review Roger Ebert noted that Mike Nichols takes it all with far too much weight for a film with this crazy concept director. “Apparently Nichols took the project too seriously; the last thing we really needed was a Dolphin’s Day which aims to be dignified and bittersweet of all things,” he wrote. First: Perhaps the most weird Christmas movie ever made

3/3.287 3/3.287 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Embassy Pictures Next Christmas if you’re tired of watching Home Alone or A Christmas Story again and want something new you can watch one of the strangest Holiday movies you’ve ever made: Santa Claus Conquers the Christmas Movies The story is even more disconcerting than the title would have you think. This starts on Mars where young kids watch a lot of television on Earth and hear about Santa Claus. When it turns out, on Mars there is a whole culture and the Martians are prevented from having original thoughts or fun of some sort. But the Martians decide they want their own Santa Claus so they come to Earth to abduct him. Next: For being so absurd, this relatively recent film has received significant attention. 8.

Ireland

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3/3.289 3/3.289 ThanksKilling Gravitas Ventures The very first shot of Thanksgiving in 2008 is of the bare breasts of a pilgrim. On the first shirtless Thanksgiving she races through the forest for no discernible reason as she trips. Since delivering a dirty one-liner over her breasts, she looks up to find a sinister evil turkey who lifts an ax and kills her. In the first 90 seconds, all that happens. As the film progresses, we discover that a Native American shaman created this killer turkey hundreds of years ago and returns for blood every 505 years. You would expect it to play just like a typical slasher movie, but almost everything that happens is totally crazy even in the scenes that would be the “calm” parts of a regular slasher. The turkey is hailing a car at one point only for the driver to try to have sex with him. Later the turkey can persuade another character just by wearing a pair of fake glasses that he is a human being. Next: It definitely lives up to the wild expectations of this classic horror movie. 10.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

3/3.290 This is the title of a movie. Aliens land on Earth in this 1988 sci-fi horror film and it so happens that these aliens look and behave like circus clowns. Their spacecraft is a huge circus tent from which they fire popcorn from their arms that they wrap people in cotton candy and even make animals from balloons that come alive. The film offers exactly what you’d expect from a predictable film about killer clowns in the 1980s. One of the highlights must be the scene where a clown makes a shadow puppet on a wall to kill people legally. That makes it all even more entertaining is the fact that the movie plays relatively straight on everything. It’s really beautiful to look at with cool puppet designs and colorful sets as well. With the volume off, you might record it, and still have a good time. Though it didn’t make much of an impact in the 1980s, the film has become such a cult hit that for years a sequel has been in talks. Next: Roger Ebert gave one star to that mad science fiction film.

3/3.291 3/3.291 Thing About Two Heads | AIP In this 1972 film, a dying surgeon decides to transplant his head to a new body. But it turns out that the surgeon is super racist and he’s surprised to wake up from the surgery to find a black man with his head attached. Not only that bu
t the head of the black man stays on the body; it is not like replacing one head with another. And essentially the outcome is a black man with an old racist’s head stuck at him. It might sound like a dark comedy concept but it is played straight. The whole film is simply the two men shouting at each other and attempting to take control of the body. Next: Next to Sharknado this is one of the stupidest ideas ever for a shark film. 12.

Sand Sharks

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3/3.293 3/3.293 Joe’s Apartment Warner Bros. You may not recall this film that bombed in theaters in 1996 and made just $4 million for it. But you should be coming out of that decade as it’s one of the most ridiculous mainstream movies. In it Joe (Jerry O’Connell) moves to a run-down New York apartment only to find that he is infested with cockroaches. But these cockroaches are not just common cockroaches: they sing and dance. There are scenes in the movie that are basically two complete minutes of absolutely nothing but cockroaches running around without the presence of humans. You must have had to ask someone nearby to pinch you if you saw it in theaters in 1996. Next: The few people who saw it left this 2017 film in a state of bewilderment. 14.

Henry’s Book

3/3.294 You have almost certainly heard of the 2017 film starring Naomi Watts and Jacob Tremblay in The Book of Henry. Yet based on the success of the box office film, it is fair to conclude that you still haven’t seen it and that all you know about the film is what’s in the trailers. If that’s the case, you won’t believe what the movie really is about; the idea for Henry’s The Book is one of the craziest that’s ever made its way to theaters in recent years. What’s set up in the trailer is that the movie is about a single mother and her two children who are being harassed by her father attempting to interfere when they discover their neighbour. But that just scratches the surface of what is actually happening. In the film itself Henry suddenly dies not long into the film from a brain tumor. He leaves behind a journal outlining a neighbor rescue plan. The aim is to literally kill the father of the neighbor lying next door. And yes this is a Hollywood commercial film about a woman whose dead son gives her instructions as to how to kill her neighbor with a sniper rifle. The film received awful reviews and months after its release Disney abruptly fired Star Wars ‘ Colin Trevorrow: Episode IX. Whether The Book of Henry was a factor in that decision is still uncertain but may not have helped. Next: The only film out there that mixes surfing with Nazis.

3/3.295 3/3.295 Surf Nazis Must Die Troma Entertainment The production company behind some of the most spectacular B-movies ever made is the 1987 film Surf Nazis Must Die. In it groups of surfers are fighting to take possession of the California beaches with a group of Neo-Nazis emerging. That’s until a black woman named “Mama” decides to hunt down the titular surf nazis and take matters into her own hands. The trailer for the movie says it will be one of the best all-time action movies. “There was The Road Warrior first,” says the narrator. “Then the terminator was there. Here comes a film of constant anticipation for action! “As you would probably guess, this mighty pledge doesn’t live up to the movie. All Time The Cheat Sheet’s Best Worst Movies on Facebook!

3/3.289 3/3.289 ThanksKilling Gravitas Ventures The very first shot of Thanksgiving in 2008 is of the bare breasts of a pilgrim. On the first shirtless Thanksgiving she races through the forest for no discernible reason as she trips. Since delivering a dirty one-liner over her breasts, she looks up to find a sinister evil turkey who lifts an ax and kills her. In the first 90 seconds, all that happens. As the film progresses, we discover that a Native American shaman created this killer turkey hundreds of years ago and returns for blood every 505 years. You would expect it to play just like a typical slasher movie, but almost everything that happens is totally crazy even in the scenes that would be the “calm” parts of a regular slasher. The turkey is hailing a car at one point only for the driver to try to have sex with him. Later the turkey can persuade another character just by wearing a pair of fake glasses that he is a human being. Next: It definitely lives up to the wild expectations of this classic horror movie. 10.

Killer Klowns From Outer Space

3/3.290 This is the title of a movie. Aliens land on Earth in this 1988 sci-fi horror film and it so happens that these aliens look and behave like circus clowns. Their spacecraft is a huge circus tent from which they fire popcorn from their arms that they wrap people in cotton candy and even make animals from balloons that come alive. The film offers exactly what you’d expect from a predictable film about killer clowns in the 1980s. One of the highlights must be the scene where a clown makes a shadow puppet on a wall to kill people legally. That makes it all even more entertaining is the fact that the movie plays relatively straight on everything. It’s really beautiful to look at with cool puppet designs and colorful sets as well. With the volume off, you might record it, and still have a good time. Though it didn’t make much of an impact in the 1980s, the film has become such a cult hit that for years a sequel has been in talks. Next: Roger Ebert gave one star to that mad science fiction film.

3/3.291 3/3.291 Thing About Two Heads | AIP In this 1972 film, a dying surgeon decides to transplant his head to a new body. But it turns out that the surgeon is super racist and he’s surprised to wake up from the surgery to find a black man with his head attached. Not only that but the head of the black man stays on the body; it is not like replacing one head with another. And essentially the outcome is a black man with an old racist’s head stuck at him. It might sound like a dark comedy concept but it is played straight. The whole film is simply the two men shouting at each other and attempting to take control of the body. Next: Next to Sharknado this is one of the stupidest ideas ever for a shark film. 12.

Sand Sharks

3/3.292

3/3.293 3/3.293 Joe’s Apartment Warner Bros. You may not recall this film that bombed in theaters in 1996 and made just $4 million for it. But you should be coming out of that decade as it’s one of the most ridiculous mainstream movies. In it Joe (Jerry O’Connell) moves to a run-down New York apartment only to find that he is infested with cockroaches. But these cockroaches are not just common cockroaches: they sing and dance. There are scenes in the movie that are basically two complete minutes of absolutely nothing but cockroaches running around without the presence of humans. You must have had to ask someone nearby to pinch you if you saw it in theaters in 1996. Next: The few people who saw it left this 2017 film in a state of bewilderment. 14.

Henry’s Book

3/3.294 You have almost certainly heard of the 2017 film starring Naomi Watts and Jacob Tremblay in The Book of Henry. Yet based on the success of the box office film, it is fair to conclude that you still haven’t seen it and that all you know about the film is what’s in the trailers. If that’s the case, you won’t believe what the movie really is about; the idea for Henry’s The Book is one of the craziest that’s ever made its way to theaters in recent years. What’s set up in the trailer is that the movie is about a single mother and her two children who are being harassed by her father attempting to interfere when they discover their neighbour. But that just scratches the surface of what is actually happening. In the film itself Henry suddenly dies not long into the film from a brain tumor. He leaves behind a journal outlining a neighbor rescue plan. The aim is to literally kill the father of the neighbor lying next door. And yes this is a Hollywood commercial film about a woman whose dead son gives her instructions as to how to kill her neighbor with a sniper rifle. The film received awful reviews and months after its re
lease Disney abruptly fired Star Wars ‘ Colin Trevorrow: Episode IX. Whether The Book of Henry was a factor in that decision is still uncertain but may not have helped. Next: The only film out there that mixes surfing with Nazis.

3/3.295 3/3.295 Surf Nazis Must Die Troma Entertainment The production company behind some of the most spectacular B-movies ever made is the 1987 film Surf Nazis Must Die. In it groups of surfers are fighting to take possession of the California beaches with a group of Neo-Nazis emerging. That’s until a black woman named “Mama” decides to hunt down the titular surf nazis and take matters into her own hands. The trailer for the movie says it will be one of the best all-time action movies. “There was The Road Warrior first,” says the narrator. “Then the terminator was there. Here comes a film of constant anticipation for action! “As you would probably guess, this mighty pledge doesn’t live up to the movie. All Time The Cheat Sheet’s Best Worst Movies on Facebook!

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